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| 2008-01-21 19:33 |
| (Voices) Prompt #12 - Cooking |
| Public |
 cranky |
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Aw hell. Don't even get me started. You know, Emma was gone for a week. One week! And I got stuck doin' all the cookin'. Ain't like my momma ever taught me how, but I done the best I could. Did I get a thank you for it from anybody? You'd be right if you bet I didn't. So I burnt all some of the biscuits and maybe my gravy was completely unedible a little lumpy. At least I tried, right? Cain't a fella try to go out of his way ta help his friends? Alls I'm askin' for is a little respect.
Was it really that bad?
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| 2008-01-21 17:58 |
| (Voices) Prompt #11 - What do you want? |
| Public |
| Sweetwater, Kansas Territory |
 contemplative |
| Just the crickets and Cody's snorin'... again. |
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What do I want? *smirk*
Well, unlike some people I know... *eyes Cody*, I don't have a want or need for things. I mean, like belongings. I mean, sure it's nice ta have 'em, but I cain't see how it really matters. Ya can't exactly take 'em with ya when ya go, ya know? And seein' as how my life's goin', I suppose it'd be kinda foolish to waste what I got now on things I ain't gonna have for long. It ain't like I don't understand why people want 'em and all... it just isn't for me.
But I suppose I'm tellin' ya what I don't want and you're askin' me what I DO want. It's something a man's gotta do a lot of thinkin' about. I mean, I could say I want to live forever, but I don't reckon I really do. I could say I want a girl, but if she ain't the right one or she's like Sarah Downs... well, a fella could get himself killed wishin' for somethin' like that. I should know.
I think maybe, more than anything, I just wanna be Jimmy. Not James Butler Hickok. Not Wild Bill. Just Jimmy Hickok, Pony Express rider. If I can have that back... I can't imagine I'd ever want for nothin' else.
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... he had been lyin' about the damn elephant.
There really was an elephant. And then we really had to try and catch the damn thing, 'cause evidently it escaped from some circus that was out in the Kansas Territory. They came to Sweetwater and everybody was all excited, 'cause it ain't like that sorta thing happens every day around here. And Cody got ta talkin' to the guy who runs the thing and started talkin' about the blasted elephant. Next thing I know, me, Buck and Ike are stuck out in the middle of Missouri tryin' ta chase down the stupid beast while the rest of the boys got ta enjoy the dang circus. How Cody got outta that, I ain't ever rightly gonna know, but you best bet I'll get him back for it. He's lucky he ain't gonna be doin' my chores for the next week.
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Don't seem like a whole lot lately, if I were to tell the truth. There's always the little things. Cody runnin' his mouth for starters. It's like that thing's got a mind of its own. And hell, it might as well use the one he's got, 'cause Lord knows he sure doesn't use it enough. He was telling me this hare brained thing the other day that, I swear, he made up. He had ta. Ain't no way what he said happened.
He swears he saw an elephant. Just walkin' through the countryside when he was on his run to St. Joe. Can you believe that? I mean, an elephant? I only saw one one time when I snuck out to the circus back when I was just a little kid and even I know, they don't live out in Missouri, much less walk around all alone like. I kinda feel bad now, 'cause when he told me, I swear I laughed right in his face. He hates it when I do that, but I just swear, if you coulda heard him hootin' and a hollerin' about this elephant... Makes me laugh just thinkin' about it.
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It doesn't take a whole lot to get me all stirred up. Just ask anybody who knows me. I've felt angry almost all my life at something or another. I guess I just want things ta be all fair and even, and they just ain't. Most people avoid me when I'm angry. They know I'm off somewhere shootin' cans or choppin' wood and it's best ta just let me be.
*locked from everyone*
But not her. She ain't about to let me just be angry all the time, and if it weren't for her, I'd probably do a whole lot worse things than takin my issues out on some tin. And to tell ya the truth, I don't mind it a bit. It's hard ta stay mad around her. She had a way of making things you thought were such a big deal seem like they ain't nothin'.
I gotta wonder how different my life would be if Kid wasn't around. Would I be in the spot I'm in now, tryin' ta dodge every bullet that comes my way? 'Cause I'll tell ya, I don't know that I would. Damnit, she makes me happy and happy people don't get in trouble. ...
*unlocked*
I can't think about this no more. *picks up some cans* I'll be outside.
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*locked from everyone*
The day my momma died.
Ain't something I like talkin' about. But she was an amazing woman who did everything she could to hold our family together. Took care of all of us kids, and that wasn't an easy feat.
... maybe I'll talk about it sometime. But that time ain't today. Probably ain't gonna be tomorrow, either.
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| 2007-08-01 20:51 |
| Voices: Prompt # 6 - What makes you lose your temper? |
| Public |
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*locked from Kid*
One word: Kid.
He's so damn blind. And no, it ain't just about Lou, though he's seven kinds of blind about her a lotta times, too. He seems to think his way is the only way. Well, I hate ta be the one to break it to him, but he's wrong. I ain't sayin' it's my way neither, but it ain't always his. And actually, I don't hate breakin' it to him. I kinda like it sometimes especially when I get ta do it in front of Lou. When you got someone always doggin' on ya and tellin' you that you're wrong all the time, a body tends to get a little fired up about it.
Don't get me wrong here. Kid is my friend. Probably my best friend and there ain't anything I wouldn't do for him. I've stayed away from his girl, haven't I? Don't mean he isn't infuriating.
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So much blood. All over the ground and his hands. It should be warm, but his skin is ice cold and so numb, he can't tell.
He's had this nightmare before. That lady in Blue Creek runs in front of him as he turns to fire and she falls to the ground. He's helpess to stop it, just like when it actually happened. But for some reason, he doesn't wake up in a cold sweat this time. Doesn't wake up at all, actually. Instead, he steps towards the lady and turns her over. Suddenly, the world comes to a complete stop around him and he looks around to try and figure out what that wretched sound is. He realizes with horror that it's coming from him. He's screaming her name. His eyes go to his hands, blood red and guilty. And then, her face. Not her... never her... He repeats her name over and over until his voice is raw and his throat bleeds. Louise...
He wakes up, but not in a fervor or cold sweat like he does from most of his nightmares. His eyes slide open and he bites down on his lip incredibly hard. He doesn't want them to hear it. The sob that's tearing itself out of him. He figures they can't see the hot, stinging tears cascading down his temples as he lays in the bunk, but they would hear him if he started sobbing. James Butler Hickok doesn't sob. He doens't cry. He's a man. A strong man... who's desperately trying to lie to himself to stop the tears from falling. He can't look at her, even though all he'd have to do is turn his head. Instead, he closes his eyes and wipes at them with a rough sleeve, knowing sleep isn't going to come anytime soon. And maybe... he should be grateful.
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Things were perfect. Just him and Lou walking through Willow Springs, arm in arm. Laughing about something Cody had done or said a couple days ago and completely forgetting who they were for a moment. Forgetting who HE was. And then, a nightmare. He heard the shot and ducked down for cover when he saw Lou just standing there. He told her to get down before she got shot, but she didn't move. She tried to say something that he couldn't hear, and then he saw it. Blood. Everywhere. Bleeding through the light blue dress and draining from her face. That was when he'd heard Caulder's voice. "Told you not ta leave me like that, Wild Bill..." His fault. It was all his fault. He was a danger to everyone he loved and now Louise was falling over, bleeding to death in his arms. Because of him.
He bolted upright in the bunk, casting a panicked look around the bunkhouse to make sure no one was awake. Feeling sure enough about that, he laid back down, drooping his arm across his forehead and focusing on his breathing. He was drenched in sweat and tried closing his eyes to focus. But every time he did, her face was there. Beautiful, but not that way. Brown eyes wide and scared with her face growing paler by the second.
No rest for the wicked, James... He forced his eyes closed, making himself see her face in his mind like that. He NEEDED to see it. To remind himself why he would never, ever be able to be with her. He'd never be good enough for her. Never.
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I can tell ya one thing about love. It don't make any sense.
When I was younger, I fell in love with a girl named Claire Enright. She was smart and beautiful and unfortunately, the daughter of an evil man who I simply called The Judge. When I left home, the Judge took me in and gave me a home and a job. 'Course, I didn't know that he was raisin' me to be a killer and crook. But Claire wasn't like her daddy. She tried to teach me to read and made sure that I had someone to talk to when I needed it. She was a good woman. I miss her to this day, and I curse her daddy for costing her her life. She deserved better than death at the hands of her daddy's men.
Then, after I came here to Sweetwater, I thought I fell in love with Emma. Emma takes care of us here boys and makes sure we got food in our stomachs and a bed under our backs. She's an amazing lady and I had strong feelings about her. Turns out those feelings weren't nothin' more than a whole lotta respect and caring. She had to point it out to me, of course, 'cause I can be stubborn as a mule about that sort of thing, as you're about ta find out.
Sarah Downs. Just thinkin' about that woman... stirs a whole lotta things up in me that didn't exist before her. A big part of me still thinks that she loved me, even after she conned me into fallin' for her and framed me for her husband's murder. You cain't make up the look you get in your eyes when you really love somebody. It just don't work. I don't think I'll ever be able ta forgive her for what she did to me, but I can't rightly say as I hate her, either. Maybe I'm just seven kinds of fool for it, but I think if things had been different, she and I coulda really had somethin' special. I'd have died for her, and almost did. There's only one other woman on this earth I could say that about now.
*locked from Lou and Kid*
Louise McCloud. Woman can give ya fits of all kinds, that's for sure. I admire everything about her. Her stubbornness, her ability. She rides better than any of us, 'cept maybe Ike. Plus, underneath all the man's clothes and the trail dust, she's amazingly beautiful. Those eyes could reach into a man's soul and tear everything out of it. I don't really know how it happened, that I came ta care so much about her. I mean, I guess I DO. We live together, eat together, sleep... well, ya know what I mean. But you'd think it'd be a brotherly thing with her and I, but it just ain't. It's more than that. Maybe 'cause I see how the Kid treats her. It ain't right. But... I don't know. There's gotta be more to it than that, right?
*unlocked*
Truthfully, I ain't sure what I think about it. I just know that as good as it can feel, sometimes it huurts just as much. Lovin' someone and not bein' able to have 'em... it's not somethin' I really like livin' with. I guess you just get used to it.
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Lots of people back in Missouri and Illinois know who my daddy was. William Alonzo Hickok was one of the most well known abolitionists of his day and a lot of people felt he was a good man. He fought for somethin' I still believe in, but it doesn't make him a good man. Or maybe it does, but... it sure don't make him a good father or a good husband to my momma. Polly Butler Hickok was a gentle lady who took a whole lot more punishment than I think I could ever stand. She took care of the whole lot of us kids and there wasn't a thing in the world she wouldn't do for my daddy. To bad he didn't always feel the same. The Underground Railroad always came first. I learned a hell of a lot from that time, riding with him to Panton's Mills station in the dead of night. A lot of things I learned, I'd like ta forget, too.
But that ain't here nor there anymore, and I ain't in Illinois any more. I'm in Sweetwater and if I were ta be completely honest, the family I got here is just about the best a man could ask for. That ain't sayin' I don't love my brothers and sisters back home, 'cause I do. It's just that I've been through so much with everyone here already. Kid, Cody, Buck, Ike... Lou... they're like brothers to me. Teaspoon's a hell of a man and probably the smartest I know. He don't always make sense sometimes, but when he does, it's like he's openin' a huge door for ya and all ya gotta do is listen to get through it. Aw hell, now I'm soundin' like him.
Anyway, there's the Marshal of Sweetwater, Sam Cain. I think I'd kinda like to be like him one day. He's seen it all, and you can tell sometimes, when he thinks you ain't lookin'. He ain't ever come out and said it, but he used ta be a gunfighter. And he's head over heels for Emma Shannon.
( *locked from everyone* )
I don't suppose I'd trade any of 'em. Well, 'cept maybe Cody when he gets ta talkin'. I swear, he's got a mouth that just don't quit. If he ain't talkin', he's eatin. If he ain't eatin', he's sleepin' and you can bet he's snorin', too. I'd trade him alright, but I don't think I could get anybody ta take him!
Just kidding, Cody. I wouldn't trade you. None of you. Not for anything on this earth.
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Can't think straight when she's around.
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Sometimes I can't say as I rightly know. Ya see, I've got a bit of a reputation thanks to a fella by the name of J.D. Marcus. He wrote a book about me and the damn thing's nothin' but a bunch of lies. He made me out to be this killer, see? Said I killed 20 men in 18 years. Until he wrote that book, I'd only ever killed one man in a shootout and I didn't really have much choice in that. But now that everyone thinks that I'm this 'Wild Bill' Hickok? I've had to do my share of killin' just to keep myself and my friends alive. So I can tell ya who I AIN'T, but that ain't what I'm supposed ta be talkin' about, I suppose.
I grew up in Illinois, with my momma and daddy and siblings. My daddy was a famous man as far as abolitionists go, and he stayed famous right up until the day he died, which I guess means that bein' famous didn't do him any good, either. Certainly didn't help my momma out, either. He was mean to her and to us kids, but she always told us it was the frettin' he did over all the slaves he had ta help. He cared more about them than he did about us, but momma swore he loved us. When they both died, my sisters and brother all went ta live with other kin, and I made my way to Missouri. That's where I met the Judge. He took me in under his wing and taught me a lotta things about life and survivin', but not a one of em was good. I wouldn't have this here Colt on my hip if'n it weren't for him, but I'd probably also be dead, so... I guess that's a double edged sword.
Once I got away from the Judge and his crazy idea of preparin' me for the world, I made my way out here to Sweetwater and joined the Pony Express. They've been my family ever since. I think this may be the first place I've ever felt like I belonged. We're a family here and we may do a little bickerin' and carryin' on, but when it comes down to it, we're there for each other. Kid, Cody, Buck, Ike... they are like brothers to me. Teaspoon... we'll I think Teaspoon's crazy half the time, but he's also gotta be the smartest man I ever met. He don't always make sense, but when he does, he's always right. Emma... well, Emma's special to me. I had a lotta confusin' feelings about Emma for a long time, but it was only 'cause she takes such good care of us. I ain't ever had somebody be there like that for me, and I almost ruined our friendship by tryin' ta make it somethin' it wasn't.
*locked from Lou and Kid*
Then... there's Lou. Louise. Don't ya dare tell her I called her that, or she'd likely skin the hell outta me for it. I ain't rightly sure what I think about Lou. Ever since I found out she was a girl, I cain't quite look at her the same. 'Course, I was kinda lookin at her that way before, but I didn't know she was a she then. Which, I ain't rightly sure what that says, but I ain't about to sit and think about it, either. She rides for the Pony Express and she's just as good as any of us on a horse and with a gun. Hell, maybe even better. I guess I understand her better than I do the rest of the boys, on account of her always havin' ta prove herself. I'd go so far as to say that she's probably my best friend among the bunch of us, though Kid would probably punch me in the mouth for sayin' something like that. The boy's seven kinds of crazy about her, and everyone knows it. He just ain't the best at showin' it is all. Gets her right fired up about it, too. Expects her ta be one way, when she just ain't. Kid can't have his woman doin' a man's work and livin' a man's life, ya see. Ain't the way he was brought up. Ain't really how I was brought up, either, but I figure she's got as much right as any of us to make her own way. And she's doin' a pretty good job of it, too.
*unlocked*
Aw hell. I feel like I'm runnin' off at the mouth here, talkin' about all this. Startin' ta sound like Cody.
Who am I?
I'm James Butler Hickok. Friend. Brother. Holy terror. *smirk* And I ain't 'Wild Bill'.
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amused
sad
awake